Friday, December 22, 2006

back from camp.. i bet there'll be lots of posts on camp.. so i'll spare te details.. but hey u can ive me a ring if u really wanna know more okie.. well.. i miss home.. haha.. i feel kinda bad la.. i have a weid view of life i guess..refuse to o up for alter call.. even though i knew i should.. i could feel this feeling.. but i silenced it.. i was wondering what the point was.. since i'll probably get back to the old life.. there'll be hardly any change.. so what was the point? i'll just ave to go up eventually after lots and lots of sin.. logicall deduction..

hmm.. i feel my life is kinda a mistake.. like nothing is right.. not in anyone's eyes.. i am never ideal.. never good enough ya know.. i am just a mistake.. u know ow ironic things are.. when everything is bliss u dun notice anything.. but when things become bad only den u realise what u had was good.. i once had a theory.. that one has to eat as many chocolates as possible before one can find the best chocolate.. i fail to realise that there may be a chance where by u eat bad chocolate.. i always thought the chocolates will just get better.. in fact the chocolates may just get worse.. haha.. but i guess its foolish of me to treat human life and feelings like chocolates.. it isn't fair.. i feel lost, unwanted and dumb.. but i know only in God's eyes he wants me.. i desperately try to find meaning and love in the lyrics of the songs during camp.. to reject the feelings i feel.. and remind myself that God is there.. but i guess as humans we are foolish and that's not enough.. haha the loviest love in the world is not good enough.. i am all sour this christmas but as the song goes.. smile even when your heart is breaking..