Sunday, August 27, 2006

***** GO JEREMY***** haha.. dunno what battle of the bands... haha.. hope ya win!!!

anyway back to what i wanted to say.. as some of ya know.. my mood has been pretty erectic.. cause ya some stuff have been new to me.. not used to it.. and its been making me feel down.. but den it got me thinking the pass few days yeah.. my theory is that happiness should NOT be defined by the things around ya.. not by the adorable WINNIE THE POOH u receive(i didn't receive) or the words someone say.. of course yeah sure this stuff will DEFINATELY lift ya spirits.. maybe mine.. but haha.. i am trying to say not to a obsessive level.. which has been my level for quite some time.. so you can probably guess the outcome.. rainy days.. sob sob sob.. and when ya down.. you dun only hurt yourself but those around ya u know.. and it ain't fair.. if you wanna be a miserable person.. lock yourself in a room.. keep it to yourself.. don't snap at others(i am guilty of that).. haha and whoever reads this.. i am not a lousy lao pok person who only know how to blah blah blah all the righteous stuffy with no ANSWER to the problem.. ALWAYS remember one thing.. ***when one door closes, a(not necessary only 1) window will open*** so yeah.. and at the most if your defination of "window" is winnie the pooh stuff toy.. it probably wont be anything that cool unless you go out and treat yourself to one.. hee hee remember about me okay buy me one!!!.. on yeah.. remember even if your defination of "window"doesn't "open" there is one huge window you can always depend on..ME.. haha.. no la.. as in yup sure i dun mind being there for anyone.. but most importantly.. a bigger window THAN mine.. haha.. GOD'S!!! which idiot forgot this ought to be strike dead!!! haha.. no la.. i always for get that .. i am not dead yet.. hee hee.. so yes.. this is a reminder for all.. especially those having exams soon.. love ya all.. in a nice way.. love is nice right? ahh... u get what i mean.. in a nice girl way.. of course girl la i am a girl.. aiyah.. u know what me a friendly way!!! haha.. dunno la
-_-" i am dumb.. lalala..

Thursday, August 24, 2006







some birthday photos i owe.. haha late presents are not inside.. humoh.. that's for giving them late! haha.. anyway.. down down tis few days.. i fell damn stupid la.. in school especially.. everyone has been treating me like an idiot.. if you're smart u'll know why.. they've been asking me whether i need special treatment in a sense.. i dun feel i am dumb.. but at the same time i am.. if not den why do i have a disorder? but den again.. i think i am doing fine.. i think i have had sufficient help.. and i think i can do it on my own.. but what if i can't? i've never experience special treatment.. perhaps i will do better.. but i'll have a red mark on my cert. do i want the whole world to know?i really really think i am fine.. but now all my teachers know about it.. they've all started putting me in remedial classes.. i thought i was doing fine.. my grades look fine in these classes.. especially bio.. i was doing so well.. until yesterday my teacher found out about it.. she came and ask me if i wanted this special thingy.. i told her i dun think so.. even though i have said no.. she placed me in her remedial classes.. i found out today.. i have always had an A in bio.. its my secret and i dun think anyone should know.. they treat me differently when they find out.. i wish they never knew i was dumb.. i wish i didn't know i was dumb.. my parents say i should not have that special treatment.. but well.. i dunno.. my teachers are already acting weird.. in a way i fell happy i never told any of my friends.. but i still feel dumb..

Friday, August 18, 2006

i have been pondering lots about marriage and the blish meaning of it.. but have u stopped and consider the worrying side of it?

Story of my life
Searching for the right
But it keeps avoiding me
Sorrow in my soul
Cause it seems that wrong
Really loves my company

He's more than a man
And this is more than love
The reason that the sky is blue
The clouds are rolling in
Because I'm gone again
And to him I just can't be true

And I know that he knows I'm unfaithful
And it kills him inside
To know that I am happy with some other guy
I can see him dying

I don't wanna do this anymore
I don't wanna be the reason why
Everytime I walk out the doorI see him die a little more inside
I don't wanna hurt him anymore
I don't wanna take away his life
I don't wanna be...A murderer

I feel it in the air
As I'm doing my hair
Preparing for another date
A kiss upon my cheek
As he reluctantly
Asks if I'm gonna be out late
I say I won't be long
Just hanging with the girls
A lie I didn't have to tell
Because we both know
Where I'm about to go
And we know it very well

Our love, his trust
I might as well take a gun and put it to his head
Get it over with
I don't wanna do this
Anymore

Now this is the sad side of any relationship.. like between a girl and a girl.. its even worse that if it happens to a married couple i mean.. all the commitment and all.. like.. u fell in love with another guy?! but obviously if you stay bound to you know"dun get divorce.." thingy.. den won't u be miserable..? won't both of you be miserable..at least if u have an affair we know u are the happy one.. but if both stay together.. will mister be happy? i mean a loveless marriage? sacrificial?? is that what it boils down to? everyone sacirficing for one another.. but huh? didn't they get married in the first because they were in love? they did it for happiness? how can the mister be happy brooding and staying in a relationship when u know the girls cheating? why don't u just break it off? eveything is SOOOOO complicated!!!
GLOOM side: i am realy worried about all this relationship stuff.. its scaring me.. haha...
BRIGHT side: thank GOD i have GOD!!! someone to trust.. some one to TELL me "he is the one.."haha..AMEN!

Saturday, August 12, 2006


The book of love is long and boring
No one can lift the damn thing
It's full of charts and facts and figures and instructions for dancing
But I love it when you read to me
And you,You can read me anything

The book of love has music in itIn fact that's where music comes from
Some of it is just transcendental
Some of it is just really dumb
But I love it when you sing to me
And You can sing me anything

The book of love is long and boring
And written very long ago
It's full of flowers and heart-shaped boxes
And things we're all too young to know
But I love it when you give me things
And You ought to give me wedding rings
And I love it when you give me things
And youYou ought to give me wedding rings

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

i have this other song i wanted to post.. but ahh... i can't seem to remember it.. darn.. life is really unpredictable.. so irritating.. but i guess unpreditablilty works for both good and bad...
a song that i fell in love with the moment i heard it yesterday.. to a extent... its left me confused today.. so yeah.. i am trying to figure things out.. some things are just so ilogical but yet so logical...
Just like a star across my sky,
just like an angel off the page,
you have appeared to my life,
feel like I'll never be the same,
just like a song in my heart,
just like oil on my hands,
Honour to love you

Still i wonder why it is,
I don't argue like this,
with anyone but you,
we do it all the time,
blowing out my mind

You've got this look i can't describe,
you make me feel like I'm alive,
when everything else is au fait,
without a doubt you're on my side,
heaven has been away too long,
can't find the words to write this song of your love,

Still i wonder why it is,
I don't argue like this,
with anyone but you,
we do it all the time,
blowing out my mind,

Now i have come to understand,
the way it is,
It's not a secret anymore,
'cause we've been through that before,
from tonight I know that you're the only one,
I've been confused and in the dark,
now I understand, Yeah

Monday, August 07, 2006



A million windows open... nah... just one or two... but its good enough... God's love is amazing... lets see.. had a tough morning... girl stuff and well.. other stuff as well.. had a pretty good luch with vanessa.. hmm.. God is touching her life in a way or another.. that's one window... and for no. two.. ivan.. your cd is out of this world good.. the lyrics of the song totally mesmerize me.. i really didn't think much of it.. i did come across the singer in a few magazines.. but i didn't think it would be that good i guess.. but it just captivated me... the lyrics.. the song.. expresses how i feel inside.. the first song really shocked me... its like haha.. real nice.. thank you thank you ivan... that's two windows..i won't address my doors.. why look at the unhappy when you can be happy?
my last entry i talked about being lost and confused.. and just like everyone else i'll talk about FOP!!!yes FOP!!!
God's real.. that i swear to... in the song God is good... haha its an old song... but it brought me lots and lots of comfort...

If you're walking through the valley
and there are shadows all around you
DO NOT FEAR, HE WILL GUIDE YOU
he will keep you safe and sound
cause he has promise to never leave you
nor forsake youand his word is true...

i asked for a guide... he is my guide.. through the darkest night... lonely mornings... God is my refuge and my strength.. no man can take his place... no man can fill my void.. only he can.. i try... God, you know how much i try.. i always lend up falling asleep... i am never awake long enough to finish both my QT and my 40 days fast.. man i better erm... pay back my fast.. hee hee.. i didn't... i feel kinda ashame... i saw debbie fasting.. and not in a coner away from good food... smack right beside all the good food.. i better start fasting... straight sfter national day... it gives me some time to think what fast i'll do... well.. that's only half the thoughts that went through my mine.. so yeah.. cause i alwasy froget them.. haha... have a great great week.. rest well people:))

Saturday, August 05, 2006

I tried to be perfect
But nothing was worth it
I don’t believe it makes me real
I thought it’d be easy
But no one believes me
I meant all the things I said

If you believe it’s in my soul
I’d say all the words that I know
Just to see if it would show
That I’m trying to let you know
That I’m better off on my own

This place is so empty
My thoughts are so tempting
I don’t know how it got so bad
Sometimes it’s so crazy
That nothing can save me
But it’s the only thing that I have

If you believe it’s in my soul
I’d say all the words that I know
Just to see if it would show
That I’m trying to let you know
That I’m better off on my own

lost.confused.give me guidance.help me.more importantly, help him.Amen.

Wednesday, August 02, 2006

lets see.. i am on this study programme thingy... that force me to study from 5 to 8 on mandays and wednesdays.. you sit in this room and like study study study... so yeah.. today is wednesday.. yawn.. you'll be brain dead by the time you reach home... i know i am.. hmm.. i have not been talking on the whole lately.. but there are other simple plaesures.. i discovered.. like the contentment of studying so so much has left me quite please with myself that it doesn't matter whetheri talk on the whole or not.. yeasterday i was so tired and the pleasure of sleep over powered the want to talk on the phone.. cure to the obsessive simple pleasures of life: find many other different little pleasures in life.. so yeah to prevent obsessiveness or in a nicer why habit... anyway... the most i could do was piano practise.. its the most brain dead thing i could do.. lots of church people always ask me why i dun play in church since i can play the piano.. hmmm i dunno but i just dun think i am good enough.. i am AFRAID of mistakes.. like siao i tell you ah... when i make big big mistake huh... i like die lor.. in singlish.. i am practising it to compare and contrust since in our boring but amusing english lesson we went through that.. advantage of using singlish: unique to singaporeans, easy to "understand" , short and sweet.
why proper british english: simply because its more commmonly used world wide than a tiny dot. why not american english? cause it come with a staranger accent than british.. haha.. yeah.. well that's all.. whaT a BORing lesSON DARing.. whaT a shAME sweeTheart.. haha...